Thursday, September 9, 2010
Angsty Whining Post (BEWARE!)
I'm tired of everything. I give up. I'm tired of putting on a stupid smile that's not real. I'm tired of hoping and hoping that when I say I'm fine, someone other than my best friend will tell me to stop lying and be honest. I'm tired of not having any time to myself because "I'm not participating enough in the family dynamic". I'm tired of being told that my problems are all my fault, that I'm the cause behind every negative effect. I'm tired of people saying, "But you've got (insert name here) and (insert more names here) and me, and we're all here for you." Because everybody says that, but hardly anyone follows through. And no matter what, when you put all your faith in other people, when you let other people pick up the pieces of your shattered mind and put it back together, someone always makes everything fall back apart. And then you have to try to put the pieces back together again. Or you pretend to so that people stop asking, and maybe you do feel better again, but eventually it all ends the same way. So what's the point? I'm giving up. Maybe now everything will be my own fault, and they'll all be right for once.
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1. NNOTHING is your fault.
ReplyDelete2. Don't be stupid.
3. God dammit, you KNOW I am here for you.
4. So if your mind falls apart again, I'll put it together again. And again and again, as many times as you need it.
5. You can't give up. You just can't. Because then you'll never feel better. Even if you have .0000000001 <-- that much hope, we've got somewhere to go. You have to keep your head up that much, just enough so that, with time, it'll be easy to start bringing your head up more. And it might fall again, but then you know how to do it- with the help- you know how to bring it back up again.
6. Who in the hell said it was your fault? Because it's not. Well, it IS the fault of hormones/neurotransmitters, but you can't CHANGE those on your own. So, unless you are talking about your pituitary glad, it's NOT your fault.
But if you still have to put the pieces back together, it means everything is still falling apart. And it's the falling apart that I'm tired of. You can't fall back apart if you never get put back together. Who in the hell do you think said it was my fault? The same people who ALWAYS say it's my own fault. Except for my dad. It's not him anymore.
ReplyDeleteThat's not true! After it has fallen apart, it's not going to magically come right back together. It has to be put together. Then, it'll be fine for a while. Then, surprise, life gets in the way again. And it may fall apart. Then you put it back together and it's fine. Hence the term mental breakdowns. Then once you're done breaking down, you're better. All that pain is relieved. Then you breakdown again. Yeah, it's a cycle. And that's because you keep on living and life is a fucking bitch.
ReplyDeleteIf you're always fallen apart, then there is no hope. No joy. No LOVE. You've got to be back together to live. And all you'll want is a chance to live.
How did they say it.... TELL me how they said it.