More Angst. Sorry.

So now, the one adult who figured out what's wrong and cared enough to try to help, my dad, blames it all on himself. I knew this would happen. I knew it. It's why I never said anything before. It's why it was easier when I just dealt with it on my own. I feel even worse now, because it's not his fault. It just isn't. But I can't explain it to him. I just can't get the words out. It's like everytime I think about telling him, someone rips out my voice box for a few seconds. And it never was his fault, but even when I start to be able to tell him, I can't get it through his thick skull. And he feels terrible, because he's blaming it all on himself, and that's not fair. It's no more his fault than it is mine. (Though various other people would disagree with me not being the cause). And it's just so frustrating. 'Cause he won't listen, and all I wanna say is, "Dad, it's not your fault. Yeah, I miss you, and it sucks that you're hardly ever around anymore, but whatever is going on with me, it's not your fault. I love you, and you could never be the reasoning behind that." I just wish I could a chance to really sit down and talk with him. I think it'd help a lot.